Year 30

Turning 30 is a kind of a big deal?  It feels strange entering a new decade.  Not strange in the way you go from 19 to 20 – that part of life is cool.  However, going through your 20’s is not cool.  When I was a kid I thought adults in their 20’s had their shit together.  I thought they knew about life.  I was so fuckin’ wrong. . . After going through my 20’s I see it was mainly filled with relationship mistakes and fashion mistakes.  I’m pretty sure my 30’s will be filled with some of those too.

I’ve gone to destination birthday trips, weekend long parties, and huge surprise gatherings to celebrate the big day for friends.  My 30th birthday was 7 months ago, September 18th.  I spent it in Los Angeles and stayed with my best friend Michelle in Santa Monica.

I was single for over four years before meeting my boyfriend at the time, just four months before to my 30th.  Birthdays as a single girl in my 20’s was super exciting. God has blessed me with so so so many girlfriends that I truly felt loved and special on my birthday.  I never felt alone.  I never felt like I was missing out on anything, or anyone.

Dinner celebrations, then raging into the night, topped off with gifts from family and friends…  I really couldn’t ask for a better experience for my birthdays.  When I turned 29, I was at a birthday dinner and noticed a couple celebrating their anniversary.  I remember feeling curious about how different my day would have been if I had a companion to share the experience.

In Beverly Hills on my 30th birthday, Michelle and Jane planned a surprise birthday dinner for me at the Bazaar.  The Bazaar was started by a celebrity chef, Jose Andres, and was known for their spanish-inspired tapas.  The food was “innovative” which is a hidden meaning for “small as fuck”.

No joke this is an appetizer, caviar cones.  We ordered two thinking this would look completely different/shareable. I was given my own tiny caviar cone to devour since it was my birthday. Hello little baby unborn fishies.  You were loved intently for one night, like a one night stand.

Buns with Uni inside.

Cotton candy with liquified stuff in the center.
I can’t remember what was in the center.

“Philly Cheesesteaks”… This was the largest dish that came out… but this one was pretty good.

We ordered several dishes to share as a group, but the food was too tiny to fill any of us. We agreed to grab tacos after the club.  We went to two different venues after dinner and I met up some of my local LA friends.  The rest of the night rushed by like a drunken blur.  I was on my way back to LAX to catch a 5 AM flight to Atlanta.

In Atlanta for my 30th birthday I was hung over from my trip in Los Angeles, but I purposely chose to return to Atlanta early so I could have a birthday dinner with the first man I’ve seriously dated in several years. Danny took me to Eugene in Atlanta.  The restaurant was really nice and the food was very good, but thats about all that was good about that day.  The conversations we had that evening were just horrible…  His response to most of the conversation was either a shrug or respond with the word, “diicckk”.  I guess saying the word dick can be funny…if I didn’t have a brain.  The meaningless dialogue was the driver to a wasteful and night.

No cards or gifts for my first birthday with him.  “I don’t do cards.” well, that’s tight you were thinking of yourself and what you like to do.  I asked if maybe the dinner was my birthday gift… it lead to calling me materialistic.  I never got anything that year… instead I spent the rest of my evening feeling disappointed in myself for having expectations and reflected upon my issues of being materialistic.  He broke up with me about 4 weeks later.  It came out of no where, but then again what end comes with warning.

I learned on my 30th birthday how unrealistic my expectations were to want a birthday card and a gift.   It has nothing to do with gifts… it’s a lot to ask for from someone who isn’t emotionally invested.  I was spoiled by friends because we loved each other.  The best birthdays I had were when I was single.  I finally spent it with someone and it sucked “diiccckkk”.

I wish I had stayed in Los Angeles longer and spent it with the people that were here for me during the years I chose to stay single in my 20s.  Single birthdays were truly the best.  Here I am doing a photo shoot with my bestie right after I discovered my surprise party. What a great way to start year 30. Thank you thank you thank you.