I’ve been attending a mega church for years. Its the kind of church that pushes out four services a day and broadcasts services online.
The best thing about a church like this is all you have to do is show up. They lack absolutely nothing when it comes to resources. Anything you could ever imagine a church providing a community… they will exceed your expectations if you had any for a church.
The worst thing about attending a church like this is you don’t have to do anything. I could go weeks missing service and no one would ever notice that I was gone. I’ve never met the pastor, which means I would never be able to ask him to pray for my family, invite him to my wedding, or even ask him for advice. There is no sense of community or fellowship and my relationship with Christ feels like it has a ceiling when all I do is just show up. I’ve tried serving in the past with Sunday school ministry and tried to join a small group, but it didn’t work out.
I ended 2016 committed to making some changes in my life because I felt broken inside after losing a relationship. I no longer wanted to treat my church like it was some McDonalds drive through where it was a one stop shop deal for me on Sundays. Initially I didn’t feel much closer to Jesus, but I continued to draw near, with hope. I decided to give small group another shot.
We met for the very first time on Tuesday for dinner. We were the “30 and Single” group. It was awkward at first… we had to re-introduce ourselves to everyone in the group. My voice is so small and I felt like I was shouting in this noisy restaurant. I felt nervous about being put on the spot. The rest of dinner was filled with small talk… talk about dogs, the weather, traffic…
But I came home feeling happy, like really reeeaaallllyyy happy. Meeting other people with the intent to have a relationship with them is different to me. When I think of intentful relationships the word “dating” comes to mind. I’ll meet a man with the intent to have a relationship, but I’m not as familiar with the idea of developing a Christ centered relationship with other women, 13 other women. Although I was nervous for our first meeting and it was a little awkward and a little uncomfortable… I felt assurance that I was taking a step in the right direction.
I think developing my relationship with Christ has been something I’ve kept on my to-do list. I was hoping it would just kind of happen on its own? I thought, “Maybe for now since I’m so busy I’ll just show up to church when I can and make the most of my week…”
This is the first time in a very long time that I’m actively seeking to know God more. The first day when I drew near to God I didn’t feel anything. I felt empty, but I continued to draw close and I’m glad I did because I feel unbroken now- I feel whole again.