Relationship Ghost

Me: XXXXXX texted me.
Friend: What did faggot boy say?
Me: YYYYYYY  texted me too.
Friend: What the? You dont need either of them in your life.
Me:  Relationship ghosts haunting me.

All my break ups play out the same.  The guy is either an ass or a pussy.  Sometimes both.  It will end in a nasty fight where he’s screaming at me or he’ll completely avoid talking to me because he’s a coward.

My routine after a break up has always been the same; I’m depressed and can’t get out of bed the next day. A few days later I’ll hit the gym, go to church, stay busy at work, binge drink/club/date.  I’ll dye my hair and buy a new outfit in some weird attempt at trying to transform myself.  And then, one day … I’m okay.  Break ups are like a sick rerun of the same damn day over and over and over again.  It reminds me the movie Groundhog Day where Bill Murray wakes up everyday to relive Groundhog day.

But I did it differently this time.  I didn’t binge date/club/drink.  I stayed at home.  I was over going out trying to escape feeling this.   A month passed and I thought I was getting “okay” because we said we were going to stay “friends”.  Until I heard he was trying to get with a new girl.  I was so upset.  I ended up calling my girlfriend in Chicago at 2 in the morning  because I couldn’t sleep or keep it together.  I couldn’t let it go for what felt like forever, until I finally saw him.

I thought avoiding the person would help me get over things, but it didn’t.  It intensified the feeling and fueled my crazy imagination.  Seeing him helped me to see I wasn’t the only one that felt something too.

My new break up routine was painful.  I used to think keeping myself busy was the best solution.  It would make me dive into a different world completely focused on something else.  I see now its not the best solution.  Eventually I had to face feeling it to be able to let it go.  I’m finally letting go.  And I’m okay now.  So please dearest relationship ghosts, leave me the fuck alone.

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